an open letter to my husband

FUCK YOU.

God, it feels good to say that. I’ve had a few beers and right now my anger and rage is out of control. Since I can’t say this TO you, I’ll say it here.

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

Apparently, it’s not appropriate or “helpful” to say these things to someone who is suffering from depression. Well it doesn’t make my hurt any less.

Sorry. NOT. FUCK YOU.

Fuck you for getting up in front of all of our friends and family 1.5 years ago and making promises to me you couldn’t keep.

Fuck you for pretending like you loved me and had my best interest in heart.

Fuck you for making me believe you would always protect me.

Fuck you for never once telling me the truth and DENYING it when I confronted you with evidence.

Fuck you for not being sorry or doing shit to make it better.

Fuck you for having depression and making me feel guilty for feeling anything but sympathy and love for you.

Fuck you for fooling me all of these years.

Fuck you for destroying my happily ever after.

Fuck you for ruining any chance I have at trusting you (or anyone else) for a very long time.

Fuck you for taking away my dreams of having children in a few years.

Fuck you for putting work in front of me.

Fuck you for NOT EVEN TALKING TO ME.

Fuck you for getting drunk and trying to screw anything with a vagina.

Fuck you for making me feel ugly, worthless, and unlovable.

Fuck you for never being there for me when my mom left and when I found out my dad was dying.

Fuck you for being to sleep at night while I lie in agony trying to put the pieces of my life back together.

Fuck you for putting met through this at 25.

Fuck you for telling me you only wanted me and telling me you would do whatever it takes.

Fuck you for lying about just about everything.

Fuck you for making me question if anything in my life is even real.

Fuck you for making me doubt myself and destroying my self confidence.

Fuck you for not being a man and taking this when you deserve it.

I hate you so much. I can’t believe this happened to me. I can’t believe I wasted all this time on you. Fuck you.

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